I often feel agonized by the hard feelings of students who put in a lot of efforts and could not get through into the blind rats race of exams. With an experience of interacting with more than thousands of students over the last one decade, I witnessed that the joy of success in competitive exams less frequent, as compared to the pain of not succeeding in those exams. Although my observations were in specific context of fellowship exams for PhD and higher education in life sciences beyond master’s degree, but the scale is much broader and applies to other fields too. The rate of success in most competitive exams is limited by number of seats available in various institutions and the total number of candidates appearing. Some, survive this rats race while other don’t. The issue of mental health of such students has never been addressed. In highly populous countries like India, the problem is severe. In this blog I tried to convince the large sect of those students who unfortunately, are unable to retain the positivity and retain the enthusiasm to go ahead after multiple failures in competitive exams.
The Pain is Relative and Transient: Avoid Comparison?
Unsuccessful attempts in exams are temporary and does not at all mean that you do not have enough talent, it just means that you did not fit well into the seating capacity of the testing agency. Think, its like booking a ticket for your favorite match, but just because you were late you could not get a ticket. It never means you are not eligible for watching the match and forbidden. Similarly, you just had a time lag in learning few things compared to those who succeeded, but never means you are anywhere not capable of learning. So, such things are total temporary and you must keep working. The most painful part is when you begin to compare with your friends and peers which have succeeded but you didn't. Why at all to compare, they have their own life and you have your own. After qualifying, they will never enjoy the free time which you can. It might seems to you as consolation, but believe me no one, really no one cares after few years if you qualified an exam or not.
Recall, do you really care that you did not get a first position (or division) in class 5 or class 10. It was transient, when you were in that class, now its gone. What matters more is that you survived and had much happier moments in life after that.
So its better to avoid comparison and consider that failure as transients even if it is repetitive for even a year or more. Its not a life time event.
Believe in Your Strengths and Stay Positive
You are one of your kind in this universe and specially created for a purpose, your life is valuable and you have lot of other important things to do in your life other than fighting these crap competitive exams.
Remember that you never fail “Either you succeed or you learn”. So, if you did not qualify an exam other things have not closed yet.
You have not been deceived from giving any other exams or doing any activity. As I mentioned in one of my previous blog posts that “Exams are just stepping stones and not the goal of your life” you must follow that thought and stay motivated. Also, believe in yourself, just 3 hours’ test is not good enough to test your knowledge, if it would have been true everyone in their work would have been best, but you are aware of the fact that how efficient several employees are in their work in most offices. They too pass some exams and they too are screened.
Knowledge is Cumulative it Does not Depreciate !
Remember that you are not the same as you were in class 10 or earlier, you have significantly improved, you now know more things. So, in coming future you are certainly going to be more intelligent, more thoughtful and more efficient. Preparation that you did for your exam, was of course an addition to your knowledge.
Most students and even their parents assume that the purpose of their study is to score good in exams or to qualify competition and if they didn't score, they didn't study. Believe me it’s a myth!
The truth is that, your preparation never, goes in vein. Sooner or later you are going to succeed. Important is how much you have learnt from your previous mistakes, improve upon them, take guidance from experts, and do not quit. Your success, depends on your hardwork and its defined by you, other will just see it in their perspective. For some you may not be a successful person even if you did Ph.D. For other you may be successful even you qualified classified class 12th and joined your dad’s shop. It’s just a perspective same person may be successful for one and unsuccessful for other. So, define your own success and try to achieve this. You should not work for becoming successful on the definition of someone else.
Perform Meditation and Peruse Hobbies and Travel !
Meditation and physical activity is one of the best option to survive such depressing situations, Joining Gym, Swimming classes can relive the stress to a great extent. Listening songs those which please you, watching trending videos on you tube, watching some of the trending video series can also relive stress to great extent. Having faith in almighty (if you are not atheist) is also a good idea, worship along with mild meditation would give you an internal peace and give you a realization that life is much precious and exams are very small challenges.
Two Songs that I would personally recommend, you to listen every day in peace for meditation.
Travel to some of the good places, don’t feel like if you have not qualified, why to go somewhere, in fact visiting a new place would energize and drive you for better things.
Don’t Engage in Social Media !
Social media has now – a – days become a great source of addiction, as well as it leads to dependence. In fact new psychological disorders are emerging from overuse of social media. Comparison, feedback, likes and dislikes are the common reasons for this dependence. If you get affected by what others post on social media, completely avoid it. Instead, if you are comfortable, visit places and update your fun moments.
Also, those students who already qualified, should also refrain from posting such things on social in goodwill of their fellow students who dint succeed, as they may be disappointed and feel depressed, rather they should celebrate their victory in physical parties and with friends.
What Parents Can Do?
Parents and their relative and relative’s relatives are much more interested in your exam results as if they are going to help you in your dreams. Their opinion hardly matters, and their inquiries hardly count, but they would be very certain to know result of your every exam. Remember, if they are not from your field of your study, don’t consider their advice, they are not competent enough to evaluate you and if they don’t support you in such situations they are not your well-wisher.
Parents must motivate their wards and should support them in every possible way. Also, students should talk and explain their situations to parents.
What Governments can do?
This is the last thing that can be done for relieving the mental pressure, but it’s very challenging to convince burocrates and governing bodies, as they, at present focus on other priority areas. However, in coming times, metal heath of students appearing in competitive exams shall be an important issue that shall require stringent measures. More than a million student appear every year in various competitive exams and a fraction only qualifies. Government has no policies at present, about the student who did not qualify, they become merely rejected just because government doesn’t have enough colleges, enough good teachers, and enough facilities. If they would have built enough institutes or research organizations or universities, every student would get a chance to study. And if every institute would have equally good teachers, trainers and facilities, no competition would ever happen. So, there is a lot that government can do in improve.
So I can now finally comment and convince you well, that your failure in exams, is a figment of failure of government policies, because they don’t have enough institutes for you, so you chill ! you never actually fail in any exam.
Really relieved sir
Very nice one sir. Feeling better
Sir, thankyou so much for your advice. You made us to realise the purpose of our study, its not just to crack an exam but beyond that. I have learnt many things from you. Im not from a big city and sometimes find difficult to understand some topics but you made them so simple. Im really thankful to you.
Sir while I attended your class your teaching reminded me my science teacher who taught me when I was in class 7th.. I really appreciate the way of teaching you follow... Yes it's very much true that if you feel science boring then you might be learning it by wrong teacher...
Bt information to social media se hi mil rhi.....kaise avoided kee